Chapter 16 Adult

I’m up at 6:32. Why am I up so early? It felt like I slept more than just a few hours. Michael’s arm is still wrapped around me, his hand resting on my stomach. I hear his soft breathing behind me. I can’t believe I’m really here, that this isn’t just one of my dreams. I exhale and smile to myself.

Suddenly his finger starts to circle around my belly button. Oh did I wake him? He’s not saying anything. His hand begins moving up my shirt. Oh no, I should have put my bra back on when I changed. I try not to squirm.  I love when he touches me, but every time he does my body goes crazy. I take a deep breath and close my eyes while his hand continues to move up. If he were awake, he definitely would have stopped himself by now.

I don’t know if I want him to, so part of me is glad he’s sleeping…

The warmth of his hand glides over my chest and my body tenses up. I’m trying not to make a sound, but it’s difficult. I’ve never been touched here before, or anywhere. His finger circles around my nipple before he cups my breast in his hand. He squeezes gently; this feels so good. His breathing gets heavier behind me. I wonder what he’s dreaming about? His hand starts moving again, trailing back down my stomach. It feels like my body is on fire. I bite my lip to keep myself quiet.

Abruptly his hand stops, right below my belly button. Oh no. No, no, no. He moves his hand from under my shirt and pulls away. Shoot, he woke up. “Michael?” I call softly. He doesn’t say anything. I turn around to face him. He has his eyes closed, like he’s sleeping. I know he’s not sleeping anymore. I frown and nudge him. “Don’t pretend you’re sleep.”

“I am…”

“You were; you’re not anymore.” I nuzzle my face into his chest. The scent of his cologne hasn’t left his shirt yet. “You didn’t have to stop…”

He waits a few seconds before he speaks. “I was sleep. I didn’t realize what I was doing.” He rolls onto his back and hides his face behind his hands. “You know I wouldn’t have done that if I was awake. I’m sorry.”

Ugh. He’s always apologizing for doing things that I want him to do. I’m so tired of it. “You must have been having some kind of dream…” I say.

“Hm?”

“When you were sleep.”

“Oh, mhm.”

“About someone?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Who do you think, Imani?”

I want to believe he’s talking about me, but if he dreams about touching me why doesn’t he do it while he’s awake? I wish I wasn't so insecure about how he feels about me. Sometimes I'm not but I guess with what happened with Danielle yesterday, I'm skeptical.

“What happened in the dream, will you tell me?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Your mind would be tainted if I told you what goes on in mine.”

There he goes again. “What if I want it to be tainted?”

“I won’t be the one to do that.”

I huff and lie there for a minute. He’s already tainted my mind without knowing. I never had the kind of thoughts I have now before I met him. I wasn't supposed to have these thoughts until I was married. I’m not as innocent as he thinks I am. I’ll show him. I sit up and pull my shirt over my head. I toss it to the other side of the bed and sit there for a second. I can’t believe I’m doing this. No, no time to rethink it. I climb on top of him, my heart racing like it never has before.  

He moves his hands from over his eyes and covers them right back up. “Shit, what are you doing?”

“I’m a woman, not a girl. Do you get that?”

“Please…” I can see him looking through his fingers. “Put your shirt back on.”

“See? I’m sitting on top of you with my shirt off and you’re not even touching me. You’re hardly even looking at me. I don’t understand. Do you not find me sexually attractive?”

“What kind of question is that? I damn near mauled you ten minutes ago.”

“But you were sleep.”

"Imani...I'm begging you..."

I frown. "I just want to feel like you want me..."

He sits up, so we’re face to face. His eyes go down to my chest and then return to my eyes. "Fine. You want me to show you how much I want you?"

"Yes..."

"Come here." He brings me into a kiss; at first it feels like it does any other time we kiss, but then he starts to do this thing with his tongue that he’s never done before. I can hardly keep up with it. He grabs hold of my waist and pulls my body forward, right on top of the bulge in his pants. I have to catch my breath; the silk material of my shorts allows me to feel everything beneath me...wow.

The longer we kiss, the more I start to feel this heat between my legs...this aching heat that I don’t know what to do with. I’ve never felt it this powerful before. He pulls away and kisses his way down to my neck. It feels like he's french kissing my neck...it feels so good. His grip on my waist tightens, and he starts to move my hips back and forth. Oh my God. I throw my hands to the comforter of his bed and bite my lip as hard as I can...but it doesn't keep in the sounds escaping my throat. I can't describe how good this feels. I don’t know what to do with myself right now. 

Just when I think I can’t take anymore, he stops. He trails his lips back up, to my ear, and he tugs at my lobe with his teeth. “Is that what you want?”

I hang my head in defeat, breathing heavily. I can't even speak.

He laughs and kisses my forehead. He places his finger under my chin and forces me to look at him. He smiles and traces his thumb over my lips. “Listen to me: you don’t need to rush this, and I don’t want you to feel pressured to. Just because I'm not pushing to sleep with you doesn't mean that I don't want to, believe me. I respect you and your values...at least I'm trying to. Don't make it any harder for me..."

“Ok, sorry.”

He lifts me up and sets me down next to him. “Don't apologize. Just...put your shirt back on now, please,” he says with a deep sigh.

I smile and crawl over to get my shirt. I admit that my body is still tingling from what just happened. I have never felt that way in my life, but he was definitely right when he said I'm not ready. I didn’t know how to handle him being all over me the way he was. I wish I did know how to because it felt so good. I slip my shirt back on over my head.

“When do you need to be back at your dorm?”

“Um, I don’t. It’s just me there anyway. Can I stay with you for a little longer?”

“You can but I don’t have an eventful day planned. I was planning on going to the grocery store…”

“That’s fine. I don’t mind going with you.”

“Ok. I uh, need to go into the bathroom for five, ten minutes. After that you can shower or whatever else you need to do.”

“Ok.”

He grabs a bottle of lotion from his dresser and then walks into the bathroom. Weird. I wonder what the lotion is for…